Hue is called “Signify” now, which signifies nothing and involves you buying a new bridge called V2 which is really a bridge too far and will cost you 50 pounds sterling to keep your very expensive and existing lights, er, light going. Shine a light!

You need a V2 bridge, otherwise Google will say to you when you say “turn on toilet”, the answer will be in a shrill voice: “We don't support V1 any more.”

Although this is an extra cost for people that wasted gazillions for the first iteration, and the very expensive lights, the V2 bridge is like a rocket up your pants because it's been around for a few years and so maybe the V3 will go thermonuclear and exhaust your patience and your bank account.

As an early adopter of the Hue system – at my own expense by the way – I discovered, unlike the latest app has an inherent cruelty that “Signify” signifies.

Hue claims that it's easy to upgrade your settings from the sturdy V1 box to the flimsy V2 box. Not in my case.

The only way for me and my friend to get access to this “internet of fangs” was to enter the serial numbers of each of the bulbs to hook them up, one by one.

Hue supports 50 lights. I've only got nine.

First of all, you need to unscrew each lightbulb to write down the individual serial numbers so you can use the crap app to enter the six figure numbers, one by one.  Some of the lights are hot, so be careful when you unscrew bulbs.

Then you have to sync each of the lights and link each of them to your Alexa or Google clever assistant. By the way, the system is so crap that you do have to write the tiny figures on paper so you can use the app to enter them, one by one.

Now, if this is the internet of things, then forget it.

Who knows when the V3 bridge will force you to do the same thing over and over again and what it will cost? And if Signify decides your lights will be defunct, although they are guaranteed a long light life, will we early adopters be forced to buy new lights too? This smells of price gouging. Plus it's not very eco-friendly.

In my opinion, don't buy into this scheme. Use ordinary light switches. And beware the internet of fangs. I have contacted Philips for its comments and await a reply. No Nazi V2 image courtesy of the BBC.